Today is Chris's birthday. Just like our anniversary, it was a busy day so I wasn't able to dwell too much on the fact that he wasn't here.
I went to breakfast with Chris's mom, Phyllis, and his sister, Vickie. I had envisioned a sad gathering where we would all be crying over our coffee and eggs. While we did toast to Chris's life, we didn't spend the whole time together talking about him. Maybe that is the saddest thing to me. Life just keeps going on without him...even on his birthday.
I'm guessing if Chris were still alive, we would have gone to dinner at La Sardine tonight. It was one of his favorite French restaurants. It is where he took me on our first date, the night we got engaged and on many other special occasions. My stepsister, Ann, who also lost her husband to cancer 7 years ago, and I went to dinner there the night of my anniversary. Eerily enough, Ann and her husband, Ray, were also married on April 16th so it was an anniversary dinner for both of us. Anyway, no birthday dinner tonight (although I did have a blizzard from Dairy Queen which would have been another thing Chris would have wanted today).
I received some very thoughtful cards. messages and flowers from people on our anniversary and today. Of course, no one can give me what I really want the most but I appreciate the gestures just the same.
The picture above is from a trip Chris and I took to Charleston in 2006 to visit friends. I had just found out I was pregnant with Ian and we were so excited. The picture looks so tranquil and hopeful to me. Chris loved the outdoors and I feel like this is kind of what heaven must look like for him. So, this is my birthday present to him. I give the warm feelings, beautiful surroundings and precious memories of that day. I give them to him and to myself.
This is us without you, Chris.
Happy Birthday
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