Two years ago today, I took Chris to the ER because of his headaches. Expecting a long wait once we got there, I packed us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and brought along the crossword puzzle. He was eating his sandwich and doing the puzzle with me right before they called him into the examining room. The nurse that escorted him asked me to wait until he got situated before going back. So, I sat with my friend, Katie, who works at the hospital. We talked about Christmas plans, our sons, our average everyday lives. I wasn't at all prepared for the flurry of events that came next.
Blood work, CT scans, family converging on the hospital at the advice of doctors, talk of "masses" on the brain, grave looks on the faces of the medical professionals around me, consults with neurosurgeons, immediate admittance to the ICU, holidays destroyed, lives turned upside down, dreams up in flames.
I think I will carry around the dread of this day with me forever. The day I first realized "widow" would soon be my new title.
