Pictures

Just a quick update with some recent pictures of the kids. Enjoy!

Progress?

I went to Target earlier this week and decided to buy an ottoman.  It was kind of a spur of the moment decision but I had been thinking about getting something to replace the deteriorating coffee table in my living room.  I really wanted something with storage in it and I saw one at Target that opened up.  Perfect for storing toys, DVDs, stuffed animals, etc.  You know, all the things that I swore would stay in the play room but somehow still manage to make their way into the living room.

The ottoman I wanted was on the top shelf of the store, way above my head.  So, I asked a man who worked there to take it down for me.  As he was taking it down, I asked him if it was heavy (knowing that I was most likely going to bring it in the house by myself).  He said, "Just leave it in your car until your husband gets home."  And my first thought was, "That could be awhile."  Really, that was my first thought.  Not, "Oh no, he mentioned a husband and I don't have one and now I'm going to lose it."  Not, "My husband is dead so I'll never get this ottoman (or anything else heavy) in the house by myself (ever again)."  Not even, "How dare he assume everyone has a husband?"  My first reaction was to almost, dare I say, crack a joke to myself.

Hmmmmm....is this progress?  Is this healing?  Or was it just a good day? 

P.S.  I DID get it in the house by myself.

Ready...or NOT

Another two months have gone by since I have posted an update.  And I said I was going to post something about the one year anniversary of Chris's death.  I guess I just wasn't ready. Strangely, feeling ready (or NOT) seems to be a theme in my life these days.

Presently, I'm feeling...

Ready to start thinking about and planning my future;

NOT ready to picture a future where I don't see Chris again..ever.

Ready to feel healthy and look better;

NOT ready to take the steps to get there...yet.

Ready to start going through Chris's things and decide what to save, donate, give away;

NOT ready for the emotional roller coaster ride that will come with this.

Ready to start thinking about what type of work I want to do going forward;

NOT ready (in the least) to actually start working.

The biggest change coming my way in the next couple of months is that my mom is moving in with me.  We have talked about doing this for months and the time now seems right.  A lot has to happen before this transition takes place not the least of which involves construction in my basement to create a living area.  I believe this arrangement will be beneficial for both my mom and us in the long run.  I think we are in for quite an adventure but I DO believe I'm ready for this one.

I promise to be better about updating!  I will post some new pictures of the kids in the next week.

Hope you are all doing well.