The Cemetery

I visited the cemetery today for the first time since the day we buried Chris.  It might seem odd that it took me four months to go.  The marker for the grave was just recently placed in the ground so it felt strange to visit before now. Anyway, today was a beautiful day and Chris's plot is right in front of a big tree. If it weren't for the fact that his grave was inches away from me, it would have been a lovely way to pass some time.

As I was sitting there, an older woman came over with two watering cans and filled them up in the fountain near the plot.  I assumed she worked there but after a few minutes, she said, "You lost your husband?  Me too.  It's been over 3 years and it is so hard."  She asked what Chris died of and when I said a brain tumor she told me her husband also had died of cancer.  Then she said, "We were married 42 years."  As horrible as this sounds, I wanted to say, "What are you complaining about?!  You had 38 more years than me!"  So, as if to trump her, I said, "I was nine months pregnant when he was diagnosed.  I have a 4 month old and a 22 month old.  He died 22 days after the diagnosis."  I don't know why I felt the need to blurt that out but I did.  She immediately knelt down by me and asked who was helping me with my kids.  We chatted a little more and she told me she would pray for me.  She was sweet.  I watched her tending to her husband's grave.  She not only watered the flowers around it but also washed off the headstone. I found it very touching.  

I hate the fact that I'm in this club now.  A club where I can relate to people who hang out at the cemetery.  And as a side note, I also don't like the fact that I was sitting on my own burial plot which was purchased at the same time as Chris's.  Who knew I'd be doing that at 38 years of age?  Then again, who knew 6 months ago that any of us would be here?

This is us without you, Chris.  Today, I miss you.