"For the Young(ish) Mother Whose Young(ish) Husband Died"

I stopped in Hallmark on Saturday to buy some Mothers Day cards and gifts. As I stood amongst the procrastinating dads scanning the quickly depleting selection of cards, I noticed that none of the inventory seemed to apply to me. Sure, there were the "Happy Mothers Day, Mommy!," "To My Daughter on Mothers Day," "To a Wonderful Sister and Mother" cards. But, not surprisingly, there weren't any cards that were addressed to ME. Not one category of cards "For the Young(ish) Mother Whose Young(ish) Husband Died." Damn...can't escape the feeling of being different (and alone and cheated) even on a day that I am fully entitled to celebrate.  I mean, I did bear two children so why can't I just enjoy the day?


Because, that's why. Because the person who made it possible for me to be a mother--just when I was beginning to think I might not ever be one--is gone. Because I only got to celebrate one/uno/1 stinking Mothers Day as part of a complete family. Because I have now celebrated more Mothers Days as a mother without Chris than with him. Because I'll never know what kind of card Chris might have purchased for me this year. Would it have been a serious and sentimental one or a sarcastic and witty one? I know one thing. It would have been addressed to My Wife as opposed to My Widow. And that is the part I just can't get past today.