A Widow's Father's Day To-Do List

• Wake up--feel sorry for self and children.

• Acknowledge the conflicting feelings that will come with today.

• Decide not to go to church for the 4^th year in row.  The Father’s Day blessing is still too painful.

• Play with new puppy and puppy-crazed children. Imagine Chris doing the same.

• While reading Father’s Day updates on Facebook, take stock of the fact that feelings of bitterness and resentfulness have lessened since last year.

• Text words of encouragement to all widowed moms I know (a longer list than I would like).

• Play with a puppy.  Feed a puppy.  Potty a puppy.

• Argue with a 3-year-old who wants to wear a leotard and too-small Easter shoes to the cemetery.

• Acquiesce to 3-year-old--why deny this small pleasure to the girl who knew her father for only 10 days?  Smirk at the fact that he really doesn’t care what she wears anyway.

• Play with a puppy.  Feed a puppy.  Potty a puppy.

• Have traditional Father’s Day graveside family picnic while trying not to feel cheated.  At least we didn’t need reservations.

• Smile at a nearly 5 year old who asks, “Can I kiss daddy?” as he leans over his father’s grave marker.

• On the drive home, ponder how next year’s picnic will play out as my children expand their understanding of death.

• Play with a puppy.  Feed a puppy.  Potty a puppy.

• Text “Happy Father’s Day” to all the important men in our lives to let them know we appreciate them.  Pat self on the back for finally doing this after several years.

• Have dinner with Papa.  Chuckle at the way my children attack him with hugs and Father’s Day greetings.

• Play with a puppy.  Feed a puppy.  Potty a puppy.

• Consider going to church next year and embracing the Father’s Day blessing.

• Realize how empty today would feel without having known Chris’s love or the gift of raising his children.

• Cuddle with a puppy.  Make a mental note that this is great therapy.

• Go to bed.  Send up a quiet prayer of gratitude that I not only made it through another Father’s Day, but that I actually enjoyed some of it.