Just as I was getting (somewhat) used to Ian talking more about Chris, Claire has already started talking about him. I'm not ready for this!
Claire just turned two in January so I thought I had a good year before I really had to deal with questions from her. And so far, I'm right. But, being the perceptive girl that she is, she clearly has picked up on the discussions Ian and I have had about daddy. She hasn't asked any questions yet but she has been "talking" to Chris and playing this interesting game that I'll call, "You be daddy."
The other day, the three of us were in the backyard kicking a ball around. I kicked it to Ian and then he kicked it to Claire. She wasn't really paying attention though and I noticed she was staring off into space. All of a sudden, she said, "Ok, daddy. We play together." (Did you just get goosebumps? I certainly did). Then she kicked the ball to me and said, "Here, daddy!" and every time I would kick or throw the ball back to her, she would say, "Thanks, daddy!" After awhile, she stopped playing, looked up at the sky, twirled around and said, "Ok, daddy!" To say that I was a little freaked out by this encounter is an understatement. It was like she was talking directly to him...and he was talking to her.
Everyday since that day, she has randomly said to me, "You be daddy." And then she'll say something like, "I go shopping now. Bye, daddy!" Now, I know logically that this game to her is no different than pretending she is Dora and I am Diego. But, oh how it stings to hear her do this. It is no ordinary game to me and I have to say, at this point, I don't enjoy playing it. I hope that changes some day because she seems determined to keep on playing!
Tears in my eyes. I know it hurts, but it also gives me great hope that our loved ones we lost are nearer to us than we realize. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteOh the twists and turns, bumps and bridges of this journey! I think you're right about her reasoning, but I'm sorry it stings for you. Will pray that you can ride it out and she'll move on to a new word soon. I think a little further down the road you'll be able to look back on this as a beautiful mystery. I Love what the other comment said. Beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI talk to Michael and imagine his responses to me because it comforts me. But, every now and then I think someday (when I get Home) I'm going to realize just how close he really was all this time, and that not all of his responses were imagined on my part. It's a mystery, for sure.
ReplyDeleteI hesitate to comment, as, well, it is none of my business at all - but maybe she Did see and sense him in the backyard that day. Maybe now she is wanting to you "do that game again," thinking in her two year old mind that you were playing the same game as her, and so can make it happen. Larger stranger things have happened.
ReplyDeleteI beleive that kids don't have the same filter we adults do and are able to see spirits much easier than us. They don't worry about sounding crazy to the rest of the world, they are simply open to any experience that comes along.
ReplyDeleteThere should be some kind of class for the rest of us.
Beautiful Wendy-
Irene
Beautifully written...Syd told me that Lucy was coming with us to a concert...I kept prompting her to see if she meant someone else, and she was adamant that it was Lucy. It's all so weird, comforting, and really creepy at the same time. Hang in there.
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